future and the past...

00,07-28feb2009..

yesterday,when i was on my way to metro belyevo..i saw an old man..he was sitting sadly beside the road,holding a cap,wishing kind person would stop and give him some money..but too bad,for almost 10minits i stayed in a distance watching him,i saw no-one stop to give him some help..but that old man,he was just be cool..keep on waiting..maybe thats the way for him to get samting to eat..

later,i was thinking of what,why and how..
what had happened to him when he was young??how could he came into this path??why he became such a person??was he never live in happiness??was not he went to school when he was in childhood??was not he went for college when he was about my age??had he ever wear a nice clothes??went for shopping??eat in a comfortable condition??

is it possible for me to end up like him in future??

future....

what will happen to me in the future???im not a person who believe in future..not a man who has a positive thinking..having an idea that maybe ill become a doctor,ill live in luxury,having lotsa money,family n living happy ever after..i never trust that as for me,whats in future,we wont know..so why should we keep hoping for samting that is unreal..people would say,we need to plan for the future..but the fact is,it is not a plan..it just a dream,a hope..and me??i never wanna make a plan,as for my past,my plan wont come real..wat did i fell is just frustration and sadness as wat did i hope neva come true..

theres a lot of question accumulating in my brain...1001 questions with none of em have an answer...what will happen??will i become a doc??will i finish my medic study???will i pass in flying colours??will i be able to prepare food for my family??will i be able to buy my dream car??and the most complicated question...will i still breathing when i am 40 years old??wish i know..

sometimes i afraid to face my day..afraid that i would take a wrong road which will lead me to the darkness..to the failure..to the end of all happiness..i always wish time to stop..so that i wont have to face the future..so that i could appreciate what do i have today..as for me,nothing would stay for long..all of em will fade away and leave me..it always do..

future...
i neva give a damn on it..i neva painting any imagination on it..what do i always paint is just the past...reminiscing...remembering..and hoping that it will be replay again..but no,it neva do..sometimes,i also wish that i could turn back time..stop the time and go back to the past..so i could finish my undone job...appreciating the things that i have olredy lose..and change the step ive taken which lead me to the sadness,frustration and the person ive become today..wadie..i wish im not him..turn back back,and people wont call me that name again as i wanna be someone else..yes i always do..