the end of my odyssey...

dis valentine's day-14feb2010 will be d best day of my life(so far) as my odyssey of finding d light ive been searching for a long time is finally over...

my whole life,i always wish to be better as knowing myself,i never like d way i am...

i faced a lot of God's assesment in which opened my eyes on how bad i am...

and how should i migratory into new person...

however,the spirit never last long as my desirability wasn't too strong...

and i hate it...

it happened few times that i was so down reminiscing how weak i am...

worst part of it,i used to think that i shouldn't ask for His forgiveness anymore

as God might be tired of listening to my cry...my regret...my repent...

as though i came back to Him,repented,few days later,i'd still do d same sin...

thanks to radhi,my buddy for righting up my mistake..

she told me:

God isn't human..

He will never be tired of hearing our cry...

moreover, he put us in adversity as He want to hear our cry..

so that,we will be sad n come back to Him...as i do...

or not,people will never even remember Him...

will never realize how close He is to us...

its never about how many times we commit d sin...

but how many times we repent and return to Him...

but now,i see d light...

i dapat hidayah ive been waiting so long...

i never feel dis way..

having such enthusiasm of attending usrah in which i never thought will be part of my routine...

im not sure either this is my real light or it just like d others...

spirit which will long for a few days...

but all i knew,ive d NIAT to change...

and its not just a usual determination...

its bigger than bigger than i ever felt my whole life...

however,isn't d most important matter is niat???

this whole 18months in moscow,i never felt happy...

tense,stress and pressure with my study n all..

though people could see me smile,there was still sadness hidden deep in me...

my everyday wasn't really cheerful at all..

but yesterday,16feb2010, its about to change...

1st time after a long time,i smiled sampai ke telinga...

my cheek was even got red...mengalahkan nabilah zawahid yg berpipi cute...

started early in d morning,when i woke up from my sleep,i already smiled...

smpai la tengah malam...

even during kene perli by my ruski teacher,i could still look at her and smile..

oh damn,i glad...

i dont know how long it will last,this happiness...

maybe next week,its gone...

or maybe even tomorrow,my life will be gloomy again...

but who cares..

all i know,im happy...

and i just want to keep it that way...

with all d strength and effort i have...

hihihihihihhihihihihiihihihihiihihihihiihihihihihiihihihihihiihihihihiihihihihihiihihihihihiihihihihiihihih