confession for my baby!!

dear baby...

it takes me a deep breath to type 1 after another word in this post..
but deep down,i still want u to know all these things since i dont think i can bring it up to u on d fon..

to be honest,there's few times ive been lying to u...
im sooo sorry baby..

honey,
do u remember when u wanted to tell me that u had samting to tell
but too afraid if i would be mad??
when u wanted to lemme know that u went out for dinner with another guy??

i told u that i didn't mad and i didnt even mind if u wanted to go out with other guy...
frankly,i lied...
i did give a damn but still i didnt really mad..
name me a person in this world who wont care if his honey go out with other guy...
zero!!!
im just a typical guy n so,i do mind..
it just that i dont want u to restrict ur life for me,holding ur back from having fun with your friend...
since im here,far away from u...
i did lie,but d reason was,i wanted u to be happy...

baby,
do u remember when i told u bout my problem,
but at d end,i said,
"but its ok...u dont have to be worry,nanti2 ok la tu..."
i lied..
d problem,even up until now,has never solved..
d moment i told u that its ok,i knew by myself that its not gonna be ok...
i didnt want to ruin ur day,thinking on how to help me...
i know that u have ur own problem...
so i dont want to burden u with mine...
u r too precious for me,thus ur laugh is more important to me...

fii,
do u remember when i rarely call u...
told u that i was too busy with study..
i lied..
yeah i did busy with my study..
but i lied when putting it as the reason for not calling u...
the truth is,
i didnt call u because i was afraid that i might hurt ur feeling while talking to u..

sometimes,i am insensitive and i wont notice if i hurt u with my word...
thats why i dont want to call u..
but please,do keep in mind that i always want to hear ur voice as its like a drug that could calm me down...
but still,ur feeling is more important than mine..
thats why i neglect my drug to cure my sorrow...

and lastly...
do u remember when i told u that d reason i wanted to go home this january was the plan with my friend to bali...
i lied...
the reason was-i wanted to see u badly...
to accompany u having ur lunch...
to watch the movie and see laugh...
and to see ur smile...
cause only god knows how much i miss it..
when i saw u on webcam, u didnt know how bad i wanted to be there around u...
i created the plan to bali as the reason was because i didnt want u to feel bad...
as u told me that u afraid if u could not spare ur time for me...

my dear princess fiona..
im so sorry for not telling u d truth..
u know me better,how honest i am,how badly i want to tell the truth bout everything,to anyone,without keeping anything inside...
but still,i cant do so in front of u..
as i do care bout ur feeling,ur heart..

and dear,
be careful with me..
im not completely honest to u...
id do anything to hide those things that could make u sad...
id hurt myself even bleed myself dry if its d only way to make u happy..
as ur happiness is d only reason for me to be happy...

sorry for lying to u...