my my my

omg,i took almost an hour to read back all my pre posts..

the only thing crossed my mind was..

"was i d 1 writing all those posts???"

maigod,i almost cry while reading em..

feels like the 'me' writing those was my yesterday...

and me at this moment,a fucked up lil bastard...

ive changed a lot...

too much...

i cant even remember who i was last year..

wonder how bad ive turn into...

while reading a post about how i was when i was a little boy,around 10year old..

omg,did i really act that way??

my my my,i miss my old me damn bad...

maybe my life would be better if i never ever change....

d saddest part of em...

when i was reading all those comments from my friends..

how some of em cared bout me..

and how they have ended as nowadays...

1 of em was like my own bro..

always talked me out of my problem...

helped me out when i was having inner-belif problem...

but now...

we dont even talk to each other...

sometimes,i feel like he hates me so much...

and dont even want to get close to me in class...

well i dont blame him...

its my fault obviously...

cause of who i am today...

apparently,i also hate myself...

so no wonder if he does...

sometimes,

i feel like dont want to live anymore..

even after wake up from my sleep,

my heart says "fuck,im still here..."

i just dont know how to live anymore..

its like nothing gonna happen and no-one is gonna cares...

if i dont wake up anymore...

god,if u really hear me...

im telling u this...

do not wake me up tomorrow morning if death is better for me...

but if its wrong...

do me a favour...

punish me so ill be able to open my heart...

cuz my heart has olready turn into a stone...
even harder than d stone...