omg,im fuck up

today i called my parent to let em know that im going home dis january..

then they asked me bout my study,told em that everything is fine but yeah i lied..

ders nothing ok with my study...

i almost lose my mind thinking how fucked up my study is..

but ive no gut to make em worry..

but deep down,i extremely want to tell em how scare i am..

to fail,

to lose my scholarship...

gosh,i really wish that i can be honest with em..

telling everything i do and what is actually happening to me...

but this is d problem we will face when we try to be a good son..

all i can do,keep all this shit inside...

most of the time,im totally mess up..

need someone to talk n thus i turn to my baby..

but lately,shes been busy
so i dont want to waste her time for my mistake of taking my study lightly..

plus,i dont want to burden her with my prob..

but still...
im not able to keep this all to myself..

its like a time-bomb ready to explode..

oh baby...
i wish u r here every moment my blood is running through my vein...

just now,after had some short nap,went to rini's room

n yeah i couldnt stop myself from letting my emotion out..

d moment i realized that i was going crazy was when asyiq said,

"aku tak kenal wadie yg camni"...

omg,how could i let my friend worried about me..

then only i started to gain control of myself...

3rd year,

is d most fuck up year in this whole med skool life..

at least thats wat told by d senior...

at 1st i doubted it...

but now i admit it..

however its already too late...

im way to far to correct the mistake...

with only 1 month left b4 the final microb..

ive 3 pended colloq n 3coming colloq...

how the hell im gonna pass em all,i just dont know..

most of d time including right now,im already give up..

all i know,im going home in another 28days...

but my mind keep on telling me not to give up yet

although it already notice that im not gonna be able to sit for the final due to my pended colloq..

my heart??omg,it has gave up since last week..

so all i wanna do now,is to clear those colloqs...
maybe not all of em,but at least as many as i can...

and the rest,ill take it to d next sem..

omg,im fuck up..