love?? NO, thank you...

14.09.09, 12.48am...nomore

last nyte,1 of my fren asked me bout my pre post...
d question is...
"who is ur gurl,dude???"
then i told him its nobody..
he asked me,"why??"

i don't know...
sometimes,feels like wanna wait for my dearie who i wrote about in my pre post..
but most of d times,feels like nothing,heartless..
like theres no need for it..

commemorating what did 1 of my fren said during my summer hols in malaysia...
"why should we ended in relation??even though both of us have d feeling,does not mean we need to be a couple..friendship remains forever but love,there's might be an ending-breaking up..so its like we are sacrificing our friendship!!tak bole ke just being friend walaupon loving each other-scandal??"kate beliau tp ayat berkenaan da diedit untuk menyedapkan bunyinye la..
it makes sense...thumbs up...

last 2years, i was in relation with a girl...a cute, kind, clever, happy go lucky person...
knowing her, i felt like she's d best-choice if i wanna find my future wife..
even i was planning of getting engaged with her..
i was damn happy being together with her..
i was loving her like there was nothing more important than her...
i used to say,"it's ok to lose everithing i have,to get hurt or anything that it would cost to see ur smile.."
pernah 1nyte,she came back to our college by herself..alone..naek ktm..teringat ktm nilai tu agak merbahaya malam2,especially for girls, i called a taxi,paid rm 30,got to the station just to ensure that she was ok..
everything was fine until few weeks later...
she was unexpectedly telling me that she didn't want to have any connection to me anymore..
even until now,i still dun know d reason n i wish if she read this,she could tell me why..
not becos i still love her or mengharapkan die,but nak sedapkan hati je...hate living in issue..
after d incident, i tried thousand times to get her back...not as my gurl but friend...
yeah just friend...
d friendship is too valuable to vanish...
but here's what she said...
"its possible to naek pangkat from a friend to a boyfriend...but its impossible to be a friend if we ever being in relation"

damn it!!!
i hate losing a friend...
now,she acting like she never know me...
cant u see how bad love is???

pen is still running on d paper...
there is also another reason...
sometimes,i feels like,"girls suck","fuck em",n macam2 lagi
not dat im a gay or what but
its becos of my experience with em...n also from d stories of my friends..
i always been accused as a playboy n whatsoever...but d fact is im d 1 who always hurt...
tak caya,tanye muaz...

pernah 1 time,
i took a train to see my ex in another state because she was acting weird...was not taking my calls n didn't reply my msg...
citernye:
mase tuh,i was sitting for a level final examination...
lepas paper chemistry(thursday),i was hanging up with 2 of my seniors kat salam...
sambil layan shisha,kitorang bercerita n i told em bout my problem...how my girl was acting weird...
senior ni pon ckp la"bese la pompuan,maybe die ngah risau sal exam...dats y acting in dat way"
so,die pon suggest,"klu aku la,aku akan p jumpe die,comfort her.."
tp he didn't think dat it was suitable 2 b done by me since she was studying quite far from kl...
balik bilik lam kol 3am...aku mengelamun sorg2 n came an idea..."yeah,i will go to see her tomorrow"

esknye..pas solat jumaat,i went to kl central,bought a tiket to her state on d same day at 7pm..n would come back to kl on saturday at 7pm..
then,i called my friend in intec who was staying in d same state as her,offered him free tiket to go home...(sbb nk suh die bawak aku p kolej my ex tuh)..but he resisted as had exam on d next day..so he gave me his bro's no n told me dat he will take me to her kolej...
i went to mid vel to buy a teddy bear for her..since there was no option,i bought her a quite expensive teddy bear..
then i called her,telling her that my friend was going to go to her kolej n delivering my gift for her tomorrow's afternoon(to ensure that she wont go anywhere...kang aku smpai,die kuar,naya)

at 7pm,my train departed to her state...
d journey took almost 14hours...n i was suffering in d train sbb makcek kat sebelah snoring..n seat sgt kecik..takde tingkap...urgh
sampai2 kat sane around 9am...i went to a toilet to clean myself...
mase nk kuarkan duit n put it in my wallet,tetibe..
fon terjatuh n masuk lubang jamban..
no choice(since i didn't remmber her fon no n my frind's bro's no...)
so i hardly masukkan my hand lam mangkuk tandas yg penuh ngn taik d person yg masuk lam toilet b4 me yg sialan tak reti flush...
i took d fon..but of cos..it could not be used...rosak...so i just took d simkad...
went 2 a restoran,borrowed d fon from a pakcek like a beggar..
went to a public fon to call my fren's bro...tp public fon tu rosak..
so i went 2 another public fon 15minits from there...
then waited for him to come..late...around 3hours bertenggek dpn public fon tuh...
we went to her college...

da smpai dpn her kolej,i texted her wif my friend's bro fon..telling,
"ni kwn wadie,da smpai dpn kolej,dtg ar amek adiah ni"
then,she said that she was bz,jus put d gift kat pak guard..
told her,it was amanah,wadie suh bg by hand...then she asked me to wait for her kat taman mini kat kolej die..
then we waited..i waited in d car...while my friend's bro waited outside kat dpn kete kat bench..
when she came n asked my friend's bro samting(mungkin mane hadiahnye)...
he showed to d car...
when she looked at d car,aku pon kuar dari kereta...
die punye terkejut trus nk blah blk bilik...then i called her...
kitorang pon duk kat bench tuh(act just me...die tanak duduk)..
tak smpai 10minit,die nk blah...katenye ade exam at 2pm...
then i barely let her go...who knows,mase die tinggalkan aku kat bench tu,die betol2 tinggalkan aku...
then she texted me"thans 4 d gift"...then i wanted 2 know die ni betol2 ke ade exam...
layan la die msg smpai jam tunjuk kol 2.15pm...
i asked her,td ckp ade exam kol2..tak jadi ke??"
then she said,"ni nk exam la ni..kat exam hall...k la,da nk start exam...bye"
it was obvious that she was lying...durghh...

then dat nyte,i went to train stesen to go back kl...lambat 4minit n i just mampo pandang je ekor tren tuh pergi tinggalkan aku...pergh terlepas train...
i went to a bus station tp tiket sold out...pergi other station,die ckp,aku bertuah...ade 1 tiket je lagi tinggal...
then i went to kl...
around 3 am,smpai pudu...called home,nk ensure my sis tak tido lagi..taknak sampai rumah,kaco die tido lak...tp takde org angkat...da tido kot...so i slept at d busstation...
pg tuh,at 8am,got a msg from my sis..."ko call ea td?sory la...fon kat bilik,aku tgk tv kat living room.."
n guess what...i spent around rm300 in dat 2days...buying train tikets,bus tiket,teddy bear,treated my fren's bro as appreciation of his help n other stupid things...end of month,sbulan aku makan nasi ngn telor je sbb duit elaun da abes...

then dat nyte,she called me...
telling me dat die rase bersalah after what had i done...
tot didn't wanna to tell me but tgk aku bersungguh2 dtg jupe die...
she told me,"IVE NO MORE FEELING TOWARS U"
rase cam dunia da kiamat je mase tuh...
cant u see how suck girls are???

so now...
all i can say...
i much prefer living by myself...
lot of things i would lose by getting into a relation...
it cost too much...