I WANT TO BE HIM!!!!

i always wonder,

"why am i like this??ape salah aku sampai aku jadi camni??"

camne??

me myself dun really understand in wat sense...

maybe tak tenteram,kusut,bodoh,slalu kene pend n all...

its like ders some missing piece in my life which is important for me...

but wat it is???im still searching 4 d ans...

i always compare myself to others...especially my friend...

as for me,their life are better than me...

i wish 1 day,i wake up in d morning,walk to d mirror...

n ouwh, im him...not wadie...

but i wonder,until when will i be satisfied being him...

how long will i be happy b4 i started to ask, "damn!!!why am i like this??"

few days ago,i read my buddy's post..."mangkuk ko...mangkuk aku"

its bout rezeki masing2...knape org laen dpt camnih tp aku tak dapat...n God knows wat is best for us...

then i started to think, do i really wanna be like him??

do i really wanna wake up in d morning as him??

bile aku pikir blk...

aku olweys tak tenteram as aku compare diri aku ngn sam1 better than me...

its gud act to do so...tp silap aku,i take it negatively...

im suppose to jadikannya as a guide to change n be a better person

tp pe yg jadi,aku tak puas ati,jeles ngn dorg...

aku start to think God is unfair...

but think again,HE is fair enough..

no-1 is perfect...

every1 is given kelebihan and at d same time,kekurangan...

aku tak puas ati n wish to be someone else sbb aku cume tgk kelebihan org tuh...

and at d same time,banding dengan kekurangan aku...

then aku rebel...

think again,sanggup ke aku tinggal kelebihan aku ade tok jadi sam1 else??

who knows,org yg aku nak sgt to be tuh pernah jeles ngn kelebihan aku ade??

dasar manusia,tamak n tak pernah bersyukur...

tak tgk pe depan mate,tp mengharap samting kat seberang...

bile yg depan mate da ilang,baru la bising nk go back tru time...

dulu,mase zaman skola2...

ade classmate aku confess...

die kate die jeles n bengang ngn aku..

as aku always dapat high mark in exam..

padahal aku jarang study...time class,tido n kaco org...wekend,join dak2 slebet as hoppers n punk lepak buang mase kat town...maen aweks all d time...

i almost forget yg pernah ade org teringin nk jadi cam aku...

ders 1 junior,fren of my sis slalu tnye adek aku sal aku...die start join hopper konon nk jadi cam aku..pakai beskal n dress style cam aku...

then aku got 9a for spm n fly moscow...

ramai started to ask,how can they stand on my shoes??

tp aku tak pernah bersyukur ngn sume tuh...

pe aku nak,to be like others...i wonder ape dorg rase bile dorg taw dorg silap in following my steps....

tutt...

I wish to be like him sbb die pandai,die hensem,die jarang study tp pas exam,die slalu happy,die slalu call parent die n laugh, die ade gf yg perfect..die kurus...die pakai pe pon nmpk macho...die slalu dpt msg n call dari org yg care sal die...die kaya and macam2 lagi...

I WANT TO BE HIM!!!!

tp dats only d positive part of em...camne lak ngn bad side???

1 day,die stress n citer prob kat aku..

die kate

-parent die da lame cerai...mmg la die slalu call dorg n gelak2 ngn dorg tp die nak sgt live as a real family cam aku walaupon parent aku tak reti nk bergurau n buat aku happy..

-die ade gf yg perfect tp die always risau if 1day she will leave sbb ade org lagi perfect dari die...

-die nak sgt mkn sesuke ati mcm aku,tp tak bole sbb nnt berat die naek n gemuk...

-die nak sgt org stop msg n call die sbb die need some privacy..

-die harap die lahir as org miskin sbb mak ayah slalu bz keje cari duit...

then aku realize a thing,how poor he is...

die always smile n laugh,buat org jeles n wanna be like him..

tp tak siapa taw how bad he cry deep in her heart...

then i ask myself...do i really wanna be him???and at d same time,cry all night long wishing to be like sam1 else??