trials...

god..
i repent...
all those excuses ive been holding to,
im gonna throw em away...
ill do what i got to do as ur servant..
ill be bent down to all ur command..
i wont take all of ur trials as catastrophes...

im so sorry for taking all of d signs of ur anger lightly...
i realize how bad i am...
and all i ever wanted,
to live a normal life..
again...

this whole week,
i see clearly how mad You are...
how bad u punish me...
to open my eyes,to open my heart..

last week when i was not needing sleep badly,
u didnt give me sleep..
but dis week,when i need less sleep the most,to study..
u put me to sleep for 10hours in 2 consequtive nights...
till i have no gut to face the exam tomorrow...

this whole time,u hid the fact that d person i was chasing after wasn't meant for me...
but yesterday,u opened my eyes..
twice..
till i felt like i was losing everything...
like i was losing the faith in survival...

last week,
u gave me hope to attain zachot for informatika,
by letting the teacher to allow me doing my extra class work at home..
though god knew how much i was not confident that id pass the subject cuz of my laziness..
but last week,u put me to sleep badly..
till 2 of my alarms failed to wake me up..
till i had to add up 1 more extra class..
and the extra work id done at home,useless...
causing me to fail of getting zachot yesterday..

microbiology,
u let me knew that id face the mcq test on saturday for a long time..
up until yesterday,
u gave me nightmare when i got to know that the exact date for d exam is tomorrow..
with only less than 48hours,ive 500questions to memorize..
till i drop on the floor,breathing hardly...

however,up until yesterday,
i couldnt see it..
how great ur anger was...
how bad u wanted me to see...

thanks to u,
at least those trials,i could still carry em on my back...
thanks for ur kindness,
u didnt give me even worse disaster,
though i knew u could do so..
how nice u were to me..
though i was treating u badly,
u still wanted me to see n change...
yeah,
i knew i was too stubborn,so u tought me in the hard way that i could barely accept..

god,im so sorry for my stupidity...
i wont run from u ever again...
though sometimes,im too weak to do so..
but ill always try to remain on ur side...
u open my eyes,
that i couldnt live without u..
no matter how bad i was relying on some of the person i knew,
u showed me that i was wrong..
those person i trusted the most,
they might n would leave me...
the person id been holding to keep me smiling,
they might n would make me cry till my last drop of tears..
theres nothing or no-one could ever help me to face all my trials...
though some of em would make it even harder for me...
but u,u still there smiling at me..
im sorry for my mistakes...
and thanks for giving me chance to change...