the reality of life...

i always look down on myself..

frustrated and pathetic..

i always use my free time to dream n fantasizing of me being another person..

i dont want to be wadie..

but i wonder,if i was born as peter,cullen or just anyone else,

will my life be different???

thinking of how did i become this way...

sometimes i blame the way people treat me..

for me,adapting with the person around me..

sometimes i blame those things ever happened to me..

for teaching me to be stronger n having a heart of a stone...

but most of the time,i blame the faith..

for leading me to this moment...

last night,i looked back 1 after another incidents n experiences i had in life...
not all of em were bad..
not everything bout me is cruel...
and not every single fact about wadie is suck..
but still i couldnt be grateful enough to be me..

maybe im aiming for something that is too much..

too perfect..

but i found myself too far from satisfaction...

who i am n what i am...

they are just worst enough for me..

and they completely blinded the good part of my life...

when i was having a good time and stuff in my life..

i wont feel such fortune..

as if it was nothing...

but when i was facing hard time...

it was like my life has falling apart...

whenever bad stuff confront me..

ill blame myself..

the way i live which lead me to that state...

how blind i am..

its life,and bad stuff does happen...

but knowing the fact,

i still could not open my eyes...

lotsa time,i wish that god would take away my life...
stop it just right there...
or maybe at least,reborn me as a new person..
so i could change d way i live..
or avoid those bad things which lead me to whom i am today...
but dream is still a dream..
it will never turn to reality..
cus thats the reality of life...