am i being hypocritical

last night was skyping with her..
herm at last,able to speak out whats inside me..
been few days been keeping it to myself n its torturing..
but now feel like releasing a super heavy rock out of my shoulder..
her reaction,nahh,it doesnt matter..
the most important thing is,
ive nothing to hide from her nemore..
now can be completely honest with her..


at 1 point,
she looked at me,
smiling and grinning almost all the time..
then she asked me..
"wadie always smiling,is it sincere or you just trying to hide the sorrow.."
well my dear,as i told u..
im happy when i see ur smile..
no matter how much i hurt..
how much im depressing and stressing..
they all go away just by looking at ur smile..
and i could not think of anything but happiness..
well,found my cure for my depression i bet...


but,
if she is depressing,
when her hair looks like the hair of nenek kebayan,
no matter how excited i am,
i dont think i could smile anymore..
cuz its my nature,
couldnt stand looking at the 1 i care sad..
and all i could think of,
is how to settle her problem...

however,

it does occur to me..

am i being hypocritical and its just simply because of who i am..

god knows how much im depressing these few days..

but i couldnt show her my sadness,

everyone knows how much i hate hypocritical person..

n how much i wish not to be one..

but perhaps this is just me..

afterall,problem is not really a problem to me..

is not it??

i wish life could be simpler..

dont worry about anything..

just doing the stuff i wanna do..

happy,smile n laugh every single moment..

and cherish all the memories left behind..

but yeah,its all a dream though..